Katie Lynn on Napping, Carmo Middle Names, and How to 'Throw Ass'
As we introduce three new features: New Things We've Learned Lately, Middle Name Stories, and Simple Pleasures
Today’s Tilting West is overloaded with content you will find nowhere else on the Internet. It’s so packed with good stuff we need a table of contents to keep track of it all:
New Things We’ve Learned Lately: ‘Throw Ass’
Shout out to Jeff, Dale, Ray, Max and Dan!
Middle Name Stories: “I am a ‘Dick.’ That’s me. I’m fine with it.”
Simple Pleasures: Katie Lynn on a Good Nap
Footnote Public School Boys of Hayward: A Candle of Inspiration
1. New Things We’ve Learned Lately
‘Throw Ass’
So I’m riding in the back seat of a Subaru Crosstrek. Carly is driving; it’s her car. She is a mid-twenties United States Navy nurse who grew up with my son, 25-year-old Hank Nelson, in Benicia, California. They’ve long been friends. Now they’re housemates in the South Park neighborhood of San Diego.
Carly is a pistol. High energy, funny, loves to cook, a kick to be around. “I wanna go somewhere and throw ass,” she says to Hank, who’s in the passenger seat. We’re heading to a place for breakfast tacos and coffee. After we eat we’re going for a hike around the bluffs and along the seashore at La Jolla Beach.
“You wanna throw ass?” responds Hank, not missing a beat. “I know where you can throw ass.”
Hank is a musician. He has multiple tattoos, a beard. He plays bass for We, The Commas, RIVA, and Heaping Teaspoon, all San Diego-area bands; he also plays gigs south of the border. It is to be expected, I suppose, that he knows what it means to '“throw ass.” Carly’s bubbly request doesn’t phase him one bit.
For me, it’s a different story. Throw ass? Huh? For the next weeks I have a very good time quizzing middle-aged people and older if they know what the term means. Universally they draw a blank. When they guess, they guess wrong. The term throws their asses into confusion.
So I decide to ask my other son Gabe. He’s 23. Do you know what it means to “throw ass?”
He scrunches up his face as if the question is so obvious it doesn’t even merit a reply. But he indulges me anyway.
“Of course I do,” he says. “Dance.”
Footnote: I have since learned that that if you are not feeling fully in the mood, you may back off a little and merely “throw some ass.”
Learn anything new lately? Big or small, important or not, we’d love to hear about it. First time you will see this email address: KevinNelson@substack.com.
2. Shout Out to Dale, Ray, Jeff, Dan, and Max
Here at Tilting West, we are supremely grateful for all our readers, subscribers, and supporters. But I wanted to give a special shout-out to Dale Melville, Ray Melville, Jeff Brinkhaus, Dan Crouch, and Max Lateiner.
They have all pledged to become paying subscribers. I have yet to turn on the “payment option” that is available on Substack, and when I do they have committed to supporting this column and my work in a monetary way. Not only that, they’ve said some very nice things:
From Dale: “Looking forward to reading your writing, Kevin. From a classmate of your brother.”
From Ray: “Good luck getting subscribers, Kevin. I don’t think you’ll have any trouble. If a potential subscriber reads just one of your articles, they’ll be hooked!”
From Jeff: “Kevin, as a schoolmate of yours at Bret Harte and Hayward High, few things give me enjoyment like looking back at our childhood and recalling the good times. Basketball was one of my favorite sports to play recreationally, but I was never able to hone my skills beyond horrible. I look forward to reading your nostalgic articles. Love your detailed and entertaining writing style.”
From Dan: “Love the story of youth and learning via basketball. Now that our teen years are many years behind us, I think it’s nice that we can appreciate them more with a ‘mature’ perspective.”
From Max: “I really want to support you because of Kevin Nelson’s research and articles.”
Thanks, guys. Much appreciated.—Kevin
3. Middle Name Stories: Dougie, Richard, Renee
I have an embarrassing confession to make. I hate my middle name. I’ve never liked it. It’s “Lynn.” My parents did their best raising me but on that one they swung and missed.
But you know what I’ve found? Lots and lots of other people have middle name issues, too. They dislike their middle name, they’ve been teased because of it, and often, like me, they treat it like a state secret and try not to reveal it to anybody.
And so begins our new semi-regular Tilting West feature: Middle Name Stories.
For instance, I was on the phone Saturday with Denny Carmo, a retired delivery driver for Thomas’ English Muffins and a proud union man. He and his wife Cheryl live in Concord but they were in Scottsdale to see family and have a holiday. Denny had just returned from a morning of golf when he happened to mention his older brother “Dougie.”
“Dougie?” I said. “I thought your brother’s name is Mike.”
Indeed it is: Michael Douglas Carmo. “But everyone in our family calls him ‘Dougie,’” explained Denny. “We’ve all called him that since he was young.” Sensing a middle name story here, I pressed for more details. Denny went on, “He went by Mike in school. But people also called him ‘Dougie.’ So one day he comes home totally frustrated and makes this big announcement to all of us.
“‘Teachers call me Dougie, and teachers call me Mike,’ he says. ‘I’m tired of it. From now on, I want to only be called Mike.’”
“Okay, Dougie,” says Denny.
I asked this younger brother who likes to laugh and joke what his middle name is. He confessed that it’s Richard. One nickname for Richard is “Dick.” When you’re young and kids find out that your middle name is Dick, it’s open season on you on the playground. But Denny '“Dick” Carmo never minded the teasing.
“I am a Dick,” he said. “That’s me. I’m fine with it. I’m a Dick.”
Both Denny and Cheryl very much like her middle name of “Renee,” which translates to “rebirth.” Cheryl has a somewhat more complicated story when it comes to the last names she had prior to Carmo, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. Maybe you get a pass on the middle name issue but your first or last name becomes a problem child.
Cheryl and Denny liked “Renee” so much they used it as the middle name for their chihuahua: Josefina Renee Carmelita. They call her “Josey.”
Don’t be shy! As a lifelong middle name sufferer I am a very sympathetic listener when it comes to middle name stories. Second time: KevinNelson@substack.com.
4. Simple Pleasures: Katie Lynn on a Good Nap
A few months ago I developed for some reason a sore hip. For therapy I began taking hot baths—and it worked! I did other things to ease the pressure on my hip but having a good soak became not just excellent therapy but a real pleasure too. I have always been a shower guy. Still, I began to look forward to my tub time when I could be alone with my thoughts and relax into the warm healing waters.
About this same time I flipped on Bobby McFerrin’s very pleasurable album, Simple Pleasures are the Best. That’s the one with “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” on it. But the title cut from the album is good too, and as I was listening it occurred to me that it might be fun and informative to hear about other people’s simple pleasures.
Katie Lynn was the first person to get back to me after I sent out a query. She is the Marketing Programs Manager, Integrated Campaigns and Events at her company. “But you can shorten it to Marketing Manager. :),” she adds. She lives with her husband Scott and their two children in Campbell, next to San Jose. She loves, loves, loves movies, and she also loves to nap. This is what bounced back to me from her:
“My simple pleasure is taking an uninterrupted nap in the morning before noon. The morning before the sun is full in the sky is chillier than the afternoon and I’m always slower and sleepier at that time. The best, most luxurious experience in my life is to be able to take an hour or two nap around 10 a.m. when I can burrow under the covers and sleep without interruption. Needless to say this is a rare occurrence with the demands of my job, my kids, and aging dog. I do get to experience this on the rare occasion when all the stars align. Each time is wonderful and has me hopeful it can happen again soon.”
As pleasurably simple as that sounds, it struck me that a nap in the morning might be hard for most people to pull off. So I decided to ask her a few follow-up questions and dig deeper into a practice that the great Greek actress Melina Mercouri (Never on a Sunday) said was one of the keys to a happy life. Here is our conversation:
Tilting West: Any tips for people who may also wish to try napping in the morning? To make it realistic for them. What would you advise?
Katie: Everybody has different things that work for them. For me, I need a long enough block of time that I can take time to fall asleep (sometimes about 30 minutes) and then sleep for long enough that I feel refreshed and not rushed to get to the next thing. Having a two-hour block of time for the whole process works best for me—30 minutes to fall asleep, up to an hour to sleep, and 30 minutes to wake up gradually. Some people are good with a 20-minute power nap between meetings. That is more stressful for me than not taking a nap at all. Hopefully, people will know what works for them.
TW: You say it's a rare occurrence when you can do it. What has to happen for you to be able to do it? No kids, no work, dog napping too? Are weekends better than weekdays?
Katie: It works best when I have a two-hour block of time between meetings before noon when my [teenage] kids are more likely to be asleep. The dog will stay asleep during that time as long as no one wants to pet her, so doing it during the weekdays when my husband drives into his office is best since he comes in to pet her periodically.
TW: When you do get to take a nap, do you have any trouble sleeping that night?
Katie: I don’t. I work much better if I get a chance to rest no matter when it is. My husband can’t sleep at night when he takes naps so he does better when he has to go into an office and forces himself not to nap.
TW: Do you think the time of day that people nap matters? If you nap in the afternoon or early evening, maybe that's not so good as the morning?
Katie: I don’t know if the time of day matters. I have heard varying opinions about the duration of the nap to maximize productivity (between 20 minutes to one hour), but I haven’t heard anything about the time of day. I happen to be sleepier when it is colder and the morning hours tend to be colder and easier for me to nap.
TW: Thank you for your time.
Got a simple pleasure you’d like to share? You know the bit. Last time: KevinNelson@substack.com.
5. Footnote Public School Boys: A Candle of Inspiration
A most wonderful and surprising thing happened to me last week when I was finishing up the final installment of The Public School Boys of Hayward. I had pushed the buzzer of the front door of a Section 8 apartment building where I was going to see someone. While I was waiting to be let in, a Black woman was keying open her mailbox. There was a bank of mailbox slots where residents picked up their mail.
She was middle-aged or younger, too young to be facing the obvious physical challenges she had. She could not stand for long at the mailboxes and walked uncomfortably over to a nearby bench. She was glad to sit, it seemed, after the exertion of walking a dozen steps.
We greeted each other and I asked how she was doing. Then she said it. I still cannot quite believe what she said. What she said was:
“We all got stuff we’re working on.”
Did I hear that right? Yes, I did. She said it with a broad smile. Her spirit was shining bright despite her physical hardships. We laughed and I heartily agreed, and the door buzzed and we said goodbye.
The next morning I kicked on my iMac and went to put the finishing touches on “A Burden Lifted is a Burden Shared.” Towards the end of the piece, after Coach Fuccy has spoken his truth, this is how my original draft read:
"In sports maybe, but certainly in life, we’ve all got stuff. And some of that stuff hurts pretty bad…”
That’s how that sentence read until my chance encounter with a woman strong of heart whom I had never met and may never see again. She had finished the thought for me. So this is how the final version reads:
"In sports maybe, but certainly in life, we’ve all got stuff we’re working on. And some of that stuff hurts pretty bad…”
We’ve all got stuff we’re working on. Ain’t that the truth! And you never know how or when a candle of inspiration will be lit for you. Have a splendid Memorial Day weekend!